letters I would write to people but never send

december 29, 2007

dear sir or madam in charge of dunkin donuts commercials,
first, annoying jingles, now rachel ray?

you suck.

sincerely,
me


december 30, 2007

dear lotion guy at the mall,
I am sorry to hurt your feelings, but I have started to cut through gap kids to avoid you and your lotions. please leave me alone. I have my own lotion.

sincerely,
me

february 13, 2008

dear lotion guy who used to be at the mall,
hey. it's been a while. I noticed you're not at the mall anymore. I hope you didn't lose your job because of me. you were just trying to make an honest living and give people supple, smooth hands. I'm sorry.

sincerely,
me